At the End of All Things
by RemusJ
Summary: Mulder and Scully discuss choices after the events of All Things.


Scully opened her eyes to the faint glow of the aquarium. She lay on the couch, Mulder's blanket pulled over her. She had fallen asleep during their discussion of fate and destiny. She pulled the blanket off, stood up, and stretched. There was so much more she had wanted to tell Mulder and now that the discussion was over and the moment passed, she feared she would never have the opportunity to tell him.

Such intimate discussions rarely occurred between the two of them. She didn't know if she would ever have the courage to break the status quo by revealing her newfound discovery to Mulder. It wasn't exactly a discovery, but an acknowledgement of the feelings she had for Mulder and the realization that she could no longer push those feelings aside.

She had loved him for a long time, but it wasn't until this weekend that she admitted that those feelings went beyond what she expressed to him. She knew he understood that she cared about him deeply, but she was sure he didn't realize the extent of her feelings. Or maybe he did and he was waiting for her to realize them herself.

It seemed to her now that all the decisions she had made about her life and her career had led her to him and that this was where she was meant to be. Things were changing between them-she felt it. Perhaps tonight was not to be the time to express this change she felt in herself, but the time would come soon.

Before returning to her own apartment, she couldn't resist walking over to Mulder's half-opened door to watch him sleep. "Scully?" He had been lying on his back, arms tucked behind his head when he heard her approach. He turned his head to see her peeking through the door.

"I'm sorry, Mulder. I didn't want to wake you up."

"You didn't. I was just lying here staring at the ceiling."

"Can't sleep?"

"Yeah, you know, thinking about fate and destiny and the meaning of life." Her eyes had now adjusted to the darkness of his room and she could see him smiling at her.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"So many revelations in one weekend can tire a person out." She returned his smile as he said this.

"Goodnight, Mulder," she said softly.

"Scully?" He pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"Hmmm?"

"Do you really believe now that fate led you this point in your life? I mean, to the FBI, the X-Files, to this exact moment?"

She moved toward the bed and sat down a few inches from him.

"It all seemed so clear to me this weekend. Maybe I'm seeing a pattern that isn't there, trying to give the things I've done and the choices I've made some significance when there isn't any. Not in the grand scheme of things."

He scooted closer to her on the bed, trying to catch her eyes, which seemed to be focused on his wall. She turned her head when he began to speak again.

"There is significance in the choices you've made, in the choices we all make. Maybe our life isn't mapped out by some higher power, but each choice we've made affects us in some way, even when we don't realize it, and makes us who we are. We can't know what would have been if we had done something differently, but we can learn from the things we have done and in that sense, direct our own destiny. And maybe there was some choice we didn't make or something we wish we had done or not done but if that choice or that thing is really that important, it'll present itself in our lives again."

She was now looking right into his dark eyes, concentrating on his words. He reached out and took her right hand, which had been hanging in her lap, in his. "I want to believe that," she smiled again as he began to absently stroke her fingers.

"I would like to think that if we make a mistake or something we perceive as a mistake that we'll have the opportunity to rectify it sometime in the future, but that seems too easy. If that were true, we'd have no regrets. We make mistakes or take action and live with the outcome and often the outcome causes us regret."

"It causes us regret now, but once we've learned from it we'll have the opportunity to make that decision again and hopefully, then, we'll make the right decision. But I tend to believe that there isn't always a right choice and a wrong choice, just different choices. Life isn't black and white."

"I feel that there have been some wrong decisions I've made and now I want to free myself of them. I feel I've made a lot of mistakes with you, Mulder. I haven't been honest with you about my feelings..."

"It's O.K., Scully. I haven't always been honest with you either." His right hand remained entangled with hers and his left hand reached out to stroke her cheek.

"You've been more honest than I have. I'm not good at this, but I think I owe it to you to be completely honest now. I've hidden my feelings from you and even from myself. I've pushed you away when I thought you were getting too close to me and I don't want to push you away. I feel that whether it was fate or my own doing, I was meant to be here, with you. You mean so much to me, Mulder, and I'm afraid I haven't let you know that." She pulled her hand from his and reached up to stroke his hair.

"You let me know, Scully," he said as he turned his mouth down to kiss her.


End file.
